


i forget myself (i want you to remind me)

by poultryguy (orphan_account)



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, M/M, Porn With Plot, a bit of angst but nothing to worry abt folx, underage drinking oops
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-01
Updated: 2018-07-31
Packaged: 2019-06-19 21:18:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,674
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15518778
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/poultryguy
Summary: “Hey, so my parents are out of town this weekend. The last time they used the liquor cabinet was, like, Rosh Hashanah 1997, so we can drink whatever we want,” Jared offers, a hopeful glint in his eyes.OR:Everything’s the same except Evan says yes to Jared’s offer. Fun ensues.





	i forget myself (i want you to remind me)

**Author's Note:**

> i made a playlist of songs that would be in the mentioned playlist in the fic. you can listen to it here https://open.spotify.com/user/fresnodaycrawler/playlist/6WrAAtzp0P4wKU0HUWSvRi?si=JfvMEpAYSRy4X80QKden0g
> 
> title is from “I Touch Myself” by Divinyls

“Hey, so my parents are out of town this weekend. The last time they used the liquor cabinet was, like, Rosh Hashanah 1997, so we can drink whatever we want,” Jared offers, a hopeful glint in his eyes.

“...S-sure, Jared,” Evan says, shifting his gaze as Zoe walks by. He stops to smile and wave at her, and Jared takes on an annoyed expression for a second until Evan looks back at him.

“Great,” Jared says, clapping Evan on the shoulder. “I’ll drive you to my house after school. Text your mom that you’ll be staying over, because you know she’d freak out if you came home drunk.”

“Okay,” Evan rolls his eyes and pulls out his phone.

 

———

 

Evan’s not really sure why or how he’s allowed himself to end up in this situation.

 

He’s sat on the floor across from Jared, who has, at this point, given up on shot glasses and has gone for drinking some sort of liquor straight out of the bottle.

“You know you’re killing your liver, right, Jared?”

It’s a rhetorical question, because of course he knows.

“How many times I gotta tell ya, Hansen, I’m here for a good time, not a long time.”

Evan sighs at this. Really, that’s a pretty concerning thing to say, but he can’t exactly act like he has any high ground, considering he’s been suicidal as all hell for as long as he can remember.

So he nods.

 

The room they’re sitting is dim, a small, yellowed lightbulb shining dully from inside a lampshade in a distant corner. Jared’s got some sort of late 70’s - early 90’s playlist going relatively quietly, the bluetooth speaker on a table farther along in the largely empty room. Evan doesn’t recognize most of the songs, except for the really popular ones.

Why they’re not sitting on the couch right next to them instead of the floor, Evan doesn’t know. He doesn’t ask, either.

Evan is nursing a beer from the fridge, making a face with every sip he takes. He is, clearly, not experienced on the drinking department.

He’s not sure he wants to be, if this is what all alcohol tastes like.

Jared notices Evan’s grossed-out face and says, “Don’t like that, huh? Weak.”

“Sorry,” Evan says back almost immediately.

“Jesus Christ, no need to apologize. Just. Here, try what I’m drinking. It’s probably better than my dad’s shitty beer.”

With that, he slides the bottle of liquor over to Evan, who eyes it suspiciously.

“Isn’t liquor, like, worse than beer? For like, your health?”

“Well, yeah, I guess,” Jared smiles. “But it tastes better. To me, at least.”

Evan takes the bottle and takes the tiniest of sips.

His face doesn’t squint up in disgust.

“It... it kinda tastes like black licorice?”

“Yeah, it’s Sambuca. It’s good,” Jared says.

Evan takes another sip, then a swig, then another.

“Woah there, boy,” Jared says, as if he’s calming a horse.

 

———

 

“This is all soooo fucked up, you know?”

They’re laying on the floor now.

“What is?” Jared asks.

“Like, all of it. A kid is dead, Jare.”

“... And my last words to him were to call him a freak,” Jared realizes out loud. “That is fucked up.”

“Really. Like, he died angry at me, I think. That makes me pretty sad.”

“Yeah.”

They look of at the ceiling in silence for a few moments, just long enough for it to be awkward. Then, Evan sits up.

“Hey, Jared.”

“Yeah?” Jared responds, sitting up with him.

“How come, that you only like me now that we’re drunk? Like, that you only wanna be my friend because you’re wasted? Am I that bad?”

“Evan, I-” Jared says, face softening. “I like you all the time.”

Evan’s eyes widen, and he tilts his head. He looks like a confused puppy.

“Shit, that’s not what I meant to say, I mean, uh,” Jared quickly tries to correct himself, scratching his hands together.

“Why don’t you act like it, then? If you like me, I mean.”

“I invited you here, didn’t I?”

“Thought you said I was just a family friend, Jared.”

“Evan, come on,” Jared says softly. “You know I was always just joking about the whole ‘family friends’ thing, right?”

“No, I didn’t know, actually. You never told me you were joking-“

“Well, I was,” Jared says, very matter-of-factly.

“Okay.”

They sit in silence for a while, not looking at each other.

 

———

 

“Hey, Jared?” Evan asks again.

“What?”

“When you said that you liked me all the time, did you mean, like, like or like-like?”

Jared groans. “What is this, middle school?”

“Answer the question, Jared.”

“Fine. Yes, I ‘like-like’ you, because I’m a big gay dweeb. Happy?” Jared looks down, very red and very much looking like he regrets his existence.

“Jared?”

“Whaaat,” he says into his hands.

“Can I kiss you?”

Instead of responding, Jared scoots towards Evan and closes the gap between the two of them with his lips.

It’s warm and soft, even though Evan’s lips are a bit chapped from being chewed on. When Jared pulls away, Evan chases after the kiss, leaning towards Jared desperately.

“God, you’re adorable,” Jared mutters, and leans back in, kissing him again. This time, Evan tilts his head, letting Jared in further. Jared licks into Evan’s mouth, and Evan makes a little noise that turns Jared on in a way one can’t even begin to describe. So he melts. And Evan presses into him harder, inadvertently pushing a very pliable Jared to the floor, so that Evan is on top of him.

“Sorry-“ Evan says, quickly pulling back.

“‘S’okay,” Jared replies, very much still on the floor. “This is great, actually.”

“...Are you being sarcastic, Jared? Because I have a hard time getting sarcasm sometimes so you’ll have to tell me.” Evan’s voice is quiet, and gets quieter as the sentence goes on, until the the last word is barely a squeak.

“Jeez, no, Ev. I’m not being sarcastic, I-I like this. It’s - it’s nice,” Jared says. And then he says, “...You’re cute.”

“O-oh, well-“

“No, I mean, like, reeeeeaaaallly cuuuuute, I mean like, just. Fuck.” He props himself up on his elbows and kisses Evan again, eyes shut tightly.

Evan pulls away for a second, straddling Jared on his knees. “Oh my God, you’re drunk, aren’t you?” He giggles.

“You too, you’re so fuckin’ red,” Jared retorts, and then he’s giggling too, and then they’re laughing together and then they’re kissing, kissing, kissing.

And then Evan realizes they’re both hard.

And then, it’s fine, because he’s too tipsy to panic about it, and instead he moves his left hand down towards Jared’s crotch.

“Can I-“ Evan starts, but Jared’s already nodding his head ‘yes’ before Evan can get the rest of the sentence out, so Evan begins to palm Jared through his stupid cargo shorts.

Jared moans, embarrassingly loud, and bucks up into Evan’s touch while keeping their lips connected. He wraps both arms around Evan’s neck, hands in his hair, and pulls him impossibly closer, kissing him deep and slow.

The playlist has gone from boppy and upbeat music into the slower jams at this point, and they’ve gone from sweet kissing into something more, into something dirtier.

The song playing is “I Want To Know What Love Is”, and Jared is moving to unbutton his shorts, then pulling them down, then his boxers. Evan is kissing his jaw, his neck, and then pulling Jared’s shirt down by the neckline to kiss him lower down.

The shirt rips.

“Well, shit.” Jared deadpans, and Evan gasps and looks like he’s going to apologize again, so Jared rips it the rest of the way off and they both laugh, foreheads pressed together.

Evan takes advantage of the shirt situation (shirt-tuation?) and lets his free hand roam over Jared’s chest, eventually settling at a nipple, rubbing it in small circles.

Jared likes that.

A lot.

Like, a LOT, a lot.

So he moans again, taking off his glasses, tossing them off to the side somewhere.

And Evan can’t help but stare, because although he guesses he knew about Jared’s heterochromia, he’s never seen it up so close.

So very, very, close.

One of Jared’s eyes is a hazel-brown, and the other a bright green-blue. They’re both, at least to Evan, very pretty in their own little ways. Both of Evan’s eyes are just blue, and while everyone seems to say blue eyes are the prettiest, Evan has never really thought so.

“Hello? Anyone there?” Jared smirks.

“What?”

“You spaced out on me. You feeling okay? ‘Cuz if you’re going to throw up, you need to get-“

“N-no!” Evan interrupts. “I’m good. I was just thinking about your eyes and stuff.”

“And what about them?”

“They’re really pretty.”

“Oh.” Jared blushes. It’s funny, because Evan’s hand is literally touching his dick, and a comment about his eyes is what’s making him blush.

And he decides he must retaliate.

Thus, he slips his hands under Evan’s clothes and runs them up his back, earning a soft gasp. Excited at the noise, Jared moves his hands under the layers from Evan’s back to his chest, then takes a hand out from under the clothes and reaches for the zipper of Evan’s hoodie. Evan immediately understands and helps him get it entirely off. Then, there’s the button-up underneath, and that’s a whole other problem in-of-itself. Evan gets up on his knees, and starts fumbling with the buttons, starting at the bottom and going up.

“Here’s a tip,” Jared says from the carpeted floor. “Just undo the top two buttons, and then you can just slip off the whole thing like a t-shirt.”

“Oh. Thanks.” Evan takes the advice and pulls the shirt off over his head. He’s hairier than Jared initially would have expected, and it’s actually turning him on a good deal. Which brings him back to the subject at hand: his hard-on. Evan goes back to making it the literal subject at hand, stroking more intently than before, drawing a whine out of Jared’s throat.

“Fu-uck, Ev, fuck,” he moans, writhing up in pleasure. “We need to, - uhn, need to get to my room, or I’m going to come on the nice shag carpeting.”

Evan smiles, probably pleased with himself. “O-okay, Jared. Hold on. Hold on.”

And then he’s getting up, and then he’s bending down and scooping Jared up.

“What are you doing?” Jared giggles.

“Being a good family friend, Jare,” Evan replies, carrying Jared bridal-style up the stairs to his room.

The song has long changed into another, but whatever’s playing now is irrelevant, because they’ve left the speakers in the living room behind.

Jared’s room is quiet and small, but very cozy, with all sorts of souvenirs and the like covering every surface besides the bed, and posters and camp photographs on almost every inch of the walls. It’s gone to waste, Evan doesn’t have much time to look at it. His entire line of vision is being taken up by the boy being pressed down into the bed underneath him. Jared huffs, staring up into Evan and into his bright blue eyes. Evan pecks Jared’s mouth, then moves down to his chin, then to his Adam’s apple.

Then down to his neck, and the space between his neck and shoulder.

Then down to his chest, where he stops for a moment to run his tongue over a nipple, which makes Jared’s breath hitch.

Then down to his stomach, which Jared says tickles.

Then, skipping over his crotch area, down to his soft, thick thighs. Jared keens at this, as Evan sucks hickeys into his inner thigh. He leaves a particularly significant mark right below Jared’s cock, which twitches, begging to be touched.

“Ev, please,” Jared whines.

Evan tilts his head “Please what?”

He’s obviously teasing.

Jared’s a little frustrated at this, but also desperate, so he gives up the sliver of pride he has left.

“Please, just- just touch me, Evan, please,”

“I am touching you,” he says, smoothing his hands over Jared’s thighs. His face is absolutely smug, there’s no way he doesn’t know what he’s doing.

“Gah, y-you know what I mean, touch my—” He can’t finish the sentence. He’s too embarrassed.

“Your cock?” Evan asks, faux-innocence practically dripping from his mouth. Jared has no idea where this side of Evan has come from, wonders if drinking can even do this kind of thing to a person. Regardless, it’s driving him fucking insane, he wants it so bad.

“Please, yes,” he’s begging at this point. Jared’s carefully-curated layers of indifference and superiority have been peeled back along with his clothes, and underneath is nothing but a needy, clingy, boy full of raging hormones and liquor.

Finally, finally, finally, Evan mercifully gives Jared a soft stroke, then traces the vein on the underside with a fingertip gently. Then, without warning, he closes a fist around Jared’s girth and strokes fast, causing a few drops of pre-come to dribble out, and Jared bites his lip, letting his head roll back. With each pump, a tiny noise escapes his mouth, egging Evan on.

“Hey, Jared, can I try something?”

“God, yes,” Jared breathes.

Evan leans down and slowly licks a stripe up Jared’s length.

“Fuck,” Jared breathes. “You ever done this before?”

Evan shakes his head no.

“Oh, man. Just. No teeth and it’ll be fine.”

Evan moves back down and presses a sloppy, open-mouthed kiss to the tip, then opens wider and takes in an inch or so. He sucks a little, and Jared involuntarily bucks up, forcing more cock into Evan’s mouth. Evan gags for a second, but then stops, and goes in deeper than before.

“Fu-uck, Ev. There’s no way you haven’t done this before.”

At this, Evan pulls off, much to Jared’s dismay.

“No, really, I swear I haven’t,” He says. He raises his right hand, holding up three fingers. “I boy-scout swear on it.”

“Oh my God, Evan,” Jared giggles. “You’re so cute.” He says ‘cute’ like this isn’t the guy that seconds ago, had a dick in his mouth. “And handsome. And sweet. And funny, and smart, and hot, and— gah!”

Evan cuts him off by going back to what he was doing, swirling the tip with his tongue.

“How. How do you know how to do all this shit?” Jared groans through gritted teeth, back arching off the bed.

Evan pulls off again. “You’re not the only one who watches porn, Jared. Now stop talking.”

And then he goes goes down on Jared as far as he can fit, which is surprisingly a lot for the first time. Then, he hollows out his cheeks and sucks, making Jared squirm and moan. Evan pushes himself, dedicating his mouth to Jared. He pushes himself to take more and more cock with each bob, until it hits the back of his throat and he’s gagging, eyes watering. He pushes himself through it, makes himself swallow around the whole thing.

While the sight alone is making Jared feel dizzy with pleasure, the sensation of it is what really draws out a loud whine as he feels a warm knot form in his stomach. Evan swallows again, and looks up at Jared through his eyelashes, and Jared tugs at the blond’s hair. The resulting moan vibrates around Jared’s cock, and he knows he won’t last much longer.

“Fuck, Ev, I’m close,” he pants, trying his hardest not to buck up. “I’m gonna come-“

And then, for a moment, Evan breaks the ‘no teeth’ rule. He lightly scrapes Jared’s cock with his top teeth, and that’s when Jared loses it entirely. He comes hard, back arching at an almost-uncomfortable angle, down Evan’s throat. Having pretty much no choice at this point, Evan swallows, then makes a face at the salty aftertaste.

“Sorry,” Jared says, still reeling from the orgasm. It may be the first time Evan’s heard him sound genuine in an apology.

“S’okay,” Evan says quietly, pressing another kiss into Jared’s thigh.

After a few moments of deep breathing, Jared sits up and says, “Alright, my turn.”

“You don’t have to, I’m already... you know. I could just- just do it myself,” Evan stammers, wanting but polite.

“I want to, though,” Jared says, moving out from under Evan. “You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do this.”

“Really?”

Jared nods.

“Okay, then, your turn.” Evan lies down on his back, and lets Jared position himself on top. Jared kisses him once on the mouth, and then immediately gets to work unbuttoning and pulling down Evan’s pants. Evan kicks them off the rest of the way. The second they’re off, he slides down and mouths at the tented boxers, sucking at him through his underwear and leaving a wet mark. Evan whimpers quietly, threading a hand through Jared’s short hair. His head tilts back for a second, but he quickly looks back down at Jared as the shorter boy finally pulls down Evan’s underwear.

Jared makes a low whistle as Evan’s cock springs up. Evan covers his face in embarrassment.

“Je-esus Christ, Ev. You never told me you were fuckin’ hung,”

“Uh. Never came up, I guess?”

“I’m completely serious, Ev,” Jared says. “I don’t know if I can actually fit all that in my mouth.”

“You can try...?”

“Good point. Very encouraging.”

And with that, Jared begins his attempt at Sucking Evan Off. He starts by licking a long, slow stripe up Evan’s length, then another. To Evan, it feels nice but not quite enough. The visual is nice, though; Seeing Jared’s blushing face as his tongue traces up the underside of his cock is, admittedly, very sexy.

Eventually, to Evan’s relief, Jared finally decides to do something more; He takes the tip into his mouth and uses his tongue to circle the slit a few times. It makes Evan squirm from how good it feels. He goes slowly, working his way down Evan’s length less than an inch at a time, pausing in-between shifts downwards to suck hard. Evan wants to buck up into Jared’s mouth so badly, to completely skull-fuck him, but he holds himself back, forces himself to be still. He settles for gripping tighter into Jared’s hair, which Jared happens to enjoy immensely - he moans around Evan’s cock wantonly, and then goes down further, trying his very best to deep-throat the whole thing. He goes until Evan’s cock hits the back of his throat, then goes a little farther. If there’s one thing Jared’s good at in bed, it’s suppressing his gag reflex. He bobs his head faster. Every time the head hits his throat, he chokes a little, eyes watering to the point of tears forming in the corners of his eyes. It hurts, but it’s also strangely satisfying. Jared likes it, likes the idea of getting throat-fucked, likes the idea that he’ll probably feel it tomorrow.

Meanwhile, Evan is losing his goddamn mind. “Oh my god, Jared, how are you even - what the fuck - “ along with various noises of shocked pleasure come tumbling from his lips. It’s almost unbelievable, how much Evan is enjoying this. Not just feeling - but getting to see - Jared’s lips stretched around the girth of his cock. Evan never imagined that blowjobs could feel so good, so hot and messy and so right. He also never imagined that Jared would be his first. Seeing how well Jared is doing, though, he’s not complaining.

Jared moves a hand to the base of Evan’s dick and runs a finger over Evan’s balls, making Evan whimper again. Encouraged by the reaction he just got, Jared gently squeezes them as he sucks and swallows around him. Evan feels something warm in his stomach bloom, feels his dick go near-electric with pleasure.

“Jare, Jared, I’m - uhn - gonna-“ He tries to warn. Jared pulls off until just the tip is in his mouth, using his hands to stroke Evan’s dick and balls roughly until he comes in Jared’s mouth.

After Evan’s ridden out his orgasm, Jared tilts his head back and swallows, then looks up at Evan and opens his mouth, as if to say, “Look! All gone!”

“Geez, y-you didn’t have to- you could’ve pulled off. I don’t care if you swallow,” Evan practically pants.

“It’s all good,” Jared says, voice slightly hoarse. “I kinda like it, actually”

“Oh, my God, Jared. What the fuck,”

 

———

 

Evan wakes up in the morning, of course, and is greeted by the sunlight from Jared’s thin-curtained windows.

The first thing he notices is that there is an arm draped over him, belonging to one (1) very naked Jared.

The second thing he notices is that he, himself, is also very naked. He is in Jared Kleinman’s bed, suddenly feeling rather exposed.

The third thing he notices is that he’s got a killer headache, and that he feels like shit - no, worse. He feels like, specifically, dog shit that has been stepped in. There’s something like a weak nausea budding in his throat when he sits up, so he lies back down. And waits. For Jared to wake up.

Evan takes the chance at a bit of free time to observe Jared’s room. It’s messier than he had seen it last night.

Evan also takes the chance - or rather, the anxious side of his brain does - to think about the situation. Here he is, the morning after oral sex with someone that, up until very recently, he thought didn’t even like him as a normal friend, much less as the kind of friend where you suck one-another’s dicks.

What were, they, anyway? Evan doesn’t think of himself as gay, because literally yesterday, he was thinking about wanting to kiss Zoe Murphy in that hallway. Still, he can’t deny that he finds Jared pretty cute, and has for a long time. He wonders what it all means, like he does with a lot of things.

He doesn’t have to lay there wondering alone for too long, though, because soon enough, Jared wakes up.

**Author's Note:**

> comment or perish (jk)


End file.
